Just before, I began to write some stream-of-consciousness nonsense about being lonely, and simply sick of myself being a dreamer. For some reason before I posted it I remembered something my friend Julia said about walking down a street and seing a wall with with large lettered graffiti on it. It said,

"everythings going to be ok." 
I pictured seing these words written on a wall, and found them to be rather powerful.

Maybe I'll just learn to live with who I am.

Life is short. Dance! Sing! stop fussing. Get on with it! Be unafriad. Open up and let people know you.
(I don't care how cliche I sound. :-) )

I've been listening to an Icelandic band by the name of Amiina a lot lately. It's a four piece, all female group who create intensely beautiful music using a variety of unconventional instuments. Weaving them all together hey can create some truly beautiful sounds. Their new album 'Kurr' simply makes me happy. It calms me. It keeps me sane.
I can't help but dream about one day being in a similar band to Amiina. It makes me smile to think about playing little bells and wine glasses while wearing pretty dresses.

Time is frightening me, as it's passing so fast. How can it possibly be mid year? How? I feel I must have slept through most of it.

I don't really like my new school. Living with Dad can be difficult, moving around can be stressful. I've felt lonely a lot throughout this year. But I don't really wish to write about that. I'll learn to live with those things. There remains to be wonderful things keeping me happy. 

Yes. I'll be ok! I'll laugh more and not take myself too seriously. And continue to love things and people.


Love for all of you, from me.

Before I sleep; while thoughts are still chattering, candles still flickering and music still playing, I thought I would just say hello. 
Today, I went to Melbourne. I made a friend on the train and did my Christmas shopping in odd, lovely places. I ran after trams, ate lunch in a park, attended a yoga class and ate Japanese food for dinner with my Mother. 
I wore a floppy, straw hat today.


My window is open and the breezes are causing the candle flames to make shadows on my wall. It feels like everything is moving! My whole bedroom is in this constant, changing movement. This thought has reminded me that we are floating in space, and the Earth is constantly moving. 
I never seem to lose fascination with that concept.



~
I almost apologised for the lack of substance in this entry- and the repetitive things I keep writing in my journal (my obsessions with simple things that in certain states of mind, seem divine to me.) But then I didn't. I realised something obvious for the first time.
It really doesn't matter does it? :-D


People of the world, I hope you are happy. :-)

[	Current Mood	|	Tired, but happy.	]
[	Current Music	|	Neutral Milk Hotel- In The Aeroplane Over The Sea	]

The task of writing lj entry, which I have been wanting to for months now; has become rather bewildering. A blank page, which I could fill with so many things I’ve been thinking about, so many things I’ve been doing. But generally, I just grin at its blankness and write nothing.

My life, (it feels) has become tremendously exciting. A series of events and realisations has led to complete awareness that my life need not be dull, that there are too many wonderful people, existences and little joys in this world for that.

 
-

On Sunday, I went on a drive with my parents to Bendigo, as my Dad is going to be living there; with a new 3 year job. The result of this means my family have more or less been torn into two. My Father wants me to move with him to Bendigo, next year for the rest of my school years. But this would mean leaving my Mother. And whichever way I chose to sway, I will be missing one of my parents. It’s a decision I don’t want to make.

Driving home that night listening to my diskman, Mum asked if she could hear some of my music. This surprised, but delighted me. And so, we turned up the CD player and I played her among my few favourite albums.

It was an indescriabably happy feeling, driving along at sunset- squinting through the window and letting the trees and the sunset merge together, sitting beside my Mother, whose eyes had weld up with tears of happiness during Sufjan Stevens’ “The Predatory Wasps of The Palisades are out To Get Us!”

Wiping her eyes with her sleeve, she turned to me.

“This, Alice. Is the most beautiful music I’ve ever heard in my life.”

The words made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. We shared a moment of understanding at that point. I absolutely adored her.

It was then that I opened my notebook and played with some words. I suppose you could say, I began to write lyrics, poetry.

And this, brings me to another immensely excitingly wondrous, thing!

I’m sure many of you are aware that Dave and Andy, myself and a few other brilliant people, are forming a band, known as The Parking Lot Experiments.

Oh, I don’t have much else to add on the matter; other than I’m wide-eyed with excitement about everything.

And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly from the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see

With love,

Alice

Today is not a day to be forgotten. 

Waking up was blissful. It was a natural rising. I opened my eyes slowly, and just lay there in bed, grinning with happiness for no real reason at all. I felt warm, comftorbale, grateful. I drew the curtains, opened the window- and put on The Strokes 'First Impressions of Earth.'  The song 'You Only Live Once' was timed with crazy-happy dancing around my room, followed by lying on the floor, looking at the roof, and thinking for roughly ten minutes.

There was very little I did today, there was music of course...and thinking. But today, I believe I understood myself. Today, it felt like all thoughts and ideas, and all the things I love, merged themselves together and left me feeling so oddly fulfilled. It was a feeling of self-awarness and confidence, an indescribable feeling of pure happiness. And now, at 1:00am, I'm tired. Yet, I feel every inch as happy as I did the very moment I woke up this morning.



Today, I smiled at the world. Today I smiled at everything and everyone.
Today has been one of the happiest of my life. 




And I didn't even get out of my pyjamas. 
:-D

In my head I've been collecting things, for a while now. I see something funny, I feel something significant or I do something diffrent. I have become really enthusiastic over little things. It's really quite wonderful.

I'm ridiculously enthusiastic about school at the moment. I get to study philosophy, comparative religions, animal farm in English, script writing in drama! It's exciting because I really have a huge intrest in all of them, I put my hand up a lot in class, join in enthusiastically. Going to school is no longer a bore- it's something I look foward to! I am doing an extra English unit called "written By..." and it's wonderful, basically it's a subject entirely based on you. You can listen to music while working, and write. Write whatever you want, a novel, a poem- anything! By the end of the semester we publish our finished work, share our work with others,  and reflect on our sucess. I am so excited by it. I'm writing a novel, well I'm starting to. The only problem is, I'm a little too keen for it to work- so instead of letting it all my imagination flow I'm constantly trying to work it all out. All I have right now is traits and ideas, things I love and want to include- I don't have a storyline at all! But I have created a character in my mind, I refuse to give up on them- because they've both come to life so well in my mind!

101  83 Facts About Me

1. I wasn't going to do this, but then decided I wanted to share some facts about myself, to be self indulgent, and for people to know me a little better.
2. I'm an odd person. I have a lot of ideas, and sometimes I get upset over the fact that I can't express them, or that all my ideas will get lost or muddled or wasted, or that I have no one to share them with.
3. These past months I've been extremely happy, and my confidence has sky-rocketed.
4. When I was 8, I was nearly run over by Queen Elizabeth.
5. The above was no exaggeration!
6. I eat unusual food- I'm a vegeterian and rather a health freak.
7. I like avocado on toast, with sunflower kernels and lemon juice.
8. When I came back from England, I had the strongest British accent- Back in Australia they all thought I was snobby.
9. I have two guinea pigs, name Pip and Squeak.
10. I love reading
11. I have accquired a thirst for knowledge
12. My favourite place to eat in Melbourne is 'Soul Food' , in Collingwood.
13. I absolutley adore music.
14. I love warm people with a sense of humour
15. I love it when people make me laugh
16. I love Sunny, Winter days- and when the sun makes me feel happy and sleepy 
17. I have very high standards for myself, which can lead in disappointment
18. I wish I was a more fun person to be around. when I don't know people well enough I tend to get nervous and unintentionally act someone I'm not.
19. I'm easily embarassed, and possibly have too much dignity
20. When I'm very happy, I sometimes dance around my bedroom at night
21. I'm very much a night person, I become awake and excited at night- more so then during the day.
22.  I sometimes get jealous of people.And as corny as it sounds, in my head I say "I am me, and I am special" and it always works.
23. I don't really think I'm special.
24.I love colour, fashion and art.
25. I get extremelly excited in vintage clothing stores or opp shops
26. I used to eat chalk. There is a photographic proof of this. 
27. Occasionally I read 'Frankie' magazine, sometimes 'Yen'
28. I have a pair of courdrouy trousers, which I love. They are the only pants I have.
29. I love people
30. social issues interest me
31. I used to think jelly beans were good for you. After all, Mum bought them from the pharmacy!
32. I drink herbal teas a lot
33. I do yoga 2 or 3 times a week
34. I love walking at night
35. I play piano, but badly
36. I play cello, but lack the motivation to put in the amount of practice I should.
37. I really would love to have children.
38. As a child, I used to love 'Madeline' by Ludwig Belhams, I collected the books and still own the rag doll.
39. I sometimes dream about travelling in Europe
40. I love love. And I love loving things.
41. I would love to travel to diffrent era's.
42. My Mum says I'm a nostalgic romantic
44. Sometimes I feel I wasn't supposed to be born in this era- things feel too advanced
45. I love smells which I associate with memories.
46. I'm tall for my age.
47. My hair is very dry, I can go a week without washing it and it will only be the slightest bit oily.
48. I ponder over things a lot, one thing I ponder about is how can something come out of nothing? How is it that the universe never ends? What is it like to be dead?
49. I'm an atheist.
50. My favourite TV show is Black Books, it makes me laugh :-)
51. I don't think I believe in magic, but then again- life itself is rather magic. When people say they don't believe in magic maybe they mean "I don't believe in ideas that don't actually exist on Earth'
52. My whole life I've always loved cardigans, and shoes
53. I love losing myself in large bookshops or Record shops
54. I quite like car trips, it's my thinking and music listening time.
55. I have absolutley terrible circulation. When it's cold I get chilblains on my fingers and toes, horrible, itchy, nasty things they are!
56. I love catching the train to Melbourne and losing myself in the city.
57. Bananas are the foods of the gods
58. I very rarely get bored
59. I love my grandmother Mary more than words can say.
60. When I was 4 I went through a stage where I would only wear green clothes. I had daily tantrums over the pink Kindergarten jumper. 
61. My sister Grace and I are so ridiculously diffrent- Imagine the exact oppisite of me, and that's Grace!
62. I write notes a lot. I take a notebook wherever I go and I write down thoughts, reminders and lists.
63. I like oil painting while listening to Sigur Ros
64. My middle name is Louise. This is also my Mother's name.
65. Someone significant called Edward Snell used to live in my house, some 150 years ago. I'm not sure who he is though....
66. If I was a boy, my name would have been Andrew, John or David.
67. Sometimes I wonder what my funeral would be like, and then realise that I'm being selfish and vain. then I feel guilty.
68. I have a few close friends whom I adore.
69. Jini makes me watch anime films which I secretly don't like.
70. I recently read 'Animal Farm' for English, and loved it. I almost cried with frustration at the true, depressingness of it all.
71. I want to make a diffrence to the world, I like to be enviromentally friendly.
72. I think that deers, owls and seahorses are all very cool animals.
73. I don't like that I've lived in Geelong most of my life, it's a deadly dull place.
74. I like my bedroom, it has a window with a nice view.
75. I have the desire to fly
76. My favourite font is Courier New, because it looks like a typewriter font.
77. I find animals fascinating, especially the unusual like armadillos or tree octopuses.
78. France is my favourite country, I love its romantic stereotype.
79. I am terribly emotional when it comes to films.
80. I really, really love music
81. I don't really know anything about what's 'in' these days. I don't complain about mainstream pop music, reality TV- because, I just never know about it.
82. I enjoy taking public transport.
83. I think 83 facts is a far classier number than 101. (...or perhaps I'm just lazy)



:-)